Why the joke’s on Johnson in a fantasy violence league | Stewart Lee | Opinion


Images of bodily retribution in opposition to hated political figures have, rightly or wrongly, been a part of the holy idiot’s comedic arsenal for the reason that daybreak of human civilisation. Effigies of the sparkler-toting anarchist Man Fawkes have been burnt each November fifth since 1606, whereas a 17,000-year-old daub on the wall of the Grotte de Niaux in south-west France reveals a primitive cave chief having milk squirted over him straight from the lactating teat of a feminine megatherium. However, in a political local weather that has seen a pro-Stay politician murdered on the street by a Brexiter, and even precise milkshakes thrown at each Nigel Farage and that different one who wouldn’t even rape a Labour MP, inventory photographs of satirical revenge violence not appear so humorous.

As Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Haircut Bullshit Inconclusive-Cocaine-Occasion Wall-Spaffer Johnson prepares to take energy, unelected and unopposed, modern-day various so-called “comedians” want to begin understanding which types of fantasy violence it’s comically acceptable to think about being meted out to him. Or face the strongest condemnation. Presumably there isn’t any drawback with photographs that Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Haircut Bullshit Inconclusive-Cocaine-Occasion Wall-Spaffer Johnson has already launched into public discourse himself?

In January 2017, Piccaninny Johnson, as a part of his delicate EU negotiation technique, warned the then president of France to not “administer punishment beatings to anyone who chooses to flee, moderately within the method of some world struggle two film”. Is it then humorous to think about Letterbox Johnson himself, pegged out face-down on the jail camp parade floor, bare however for a large pair of white Y-fronts, being repeatedly clubbed by the butts of the Nazi camp guards’ Karabiner 98Ok rifles? Sure, it’s humorous, however solely till such time as a modern-day politician is definitely crushed mindless by Nazi camp guards, at which level it will grow to be distasteful.

In 2002, in a column within the Telegraph, Britain’s worst newspaper, Cake Johnson described African folks as “piccaninnies” with “watermelon smiles”. Wouldn’t it be humorous then, to increase the comical picture of him pegged out at Stalag Luft III in simply his pants, by imagining the piccaninnies arriving, jungle spears at hand, poking them into his backside, and stuffing watermelons into his smiling mouth, whereas doing a capering jungle dance? Wouldn’t it be humorous to think about Bumboys Johnson’s supporter James Cleverly wanting on and questioning, just like the loyal home slave in Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained, the place his loyalties lay?

The reply is sure, it will be humorous to think about this stuff, however solely till such a time as a number one politician has been spiked within the gluteus maximus and force-fed on watermelon by piccaninnies, then it will grow to be tasteless and never humorous in any respect. And wouldn’t it be applicable to note that James Cleverly’s left eyebrow is all the time raised inexplicably larger than its fellow, as if even Cleverly’s precise face has begun a sudden downward drift in the direction of the far proper?

In a 1998 Telegraph column about Peter Mandelson, Haircut Johnson wrote about “tank-topped bumboys”. If a so-called “comic” had been to think about the Nazi-beaten, piccaninny-speared, watermelon-gagged Bullshit Johnson then being touched on his backside by bumboys, would that be humorous? The reply is sure, it will be humorous, however solely as long as a number one political determine had not been Nazi-beaten, piccaninny-speared, watermelon-gagged and bumboy-touched, at which level the so-called “comic” conjuring the picture ought to grow to be the topic of a police investigation.

In his 2001 e book, Pals, Voters, Countrymen, Wall-Spaffer Johnson wrote: “If homosexual marriage was OK – and I used to be unsure on the problem – then I noticed no motive in precept why a union shouldn’t be consecrated between three males, in addition to two males, or certainly three males and a canine.” Wouldn’t it then be humorous to think about the dazed and crushed Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Haircut Bullshit Inconclusive-Cocaine-Occasion Wall-Spaffer Johnson, pegged out on the Nazi camp parade floor, in simply his pants, and being compelled, in fast succession, to marry three males, two males, after which three males and a canine, whereas being spiked by piccaninny spears, gagged with watermelons, and having his backside touched by tank-topped bumboys, with every parody of a marriage ceremony enthusiastically officiated by the celebrant James Cleverly?

The reply is sure, it will be humorous, however solely till such time as a number one politician was compelled in opposition to his will, having been crushed semi-senseless by Nazis, speared by piccaninnies, gagged by watermelons, and goosed by bumboys, to marry three males, two males, after which three males and a canine. Then it will not be humorous. It might be sick.

Final week Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Haircut Bullshit Inconclusive-Cocaine-Occasion Wall-Spaffer Johnson claimed to have taken cocaine solely as soon as, in a “single inconclusive occasion” as a teen. Wouldn’t it be humorous then to think about the following chief of the Conservative get together pegged out on the Nazi camp parade floor, in simply his pants, compelled at nice velocity to marry three males, two males, after which three males and a canine, spiked by piccaninny spears, gagged with watermelons, and having his backside touched by tank-topped bumboys, whereas privileged youngsters hurl tens of millions of kilos of cocaine repeatedly and inconclusively into his sneezing nostril?

Sure. It might be humorous. However solely till such time as the following prime minister of Britain has been crushed trouserless by Nazis, forcibly wed to varied human-animal mixtures, spiked by piccaninnies, choked on fruit, fondled by bumboys, and forcibly fed cocaine. Then it will not be humorous. It might be an outrage. And wouldn’t it be humorous to think about that the opponent to Prime Minister Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Haircut Bullshit Inconclusive-Cocaine-Occasion Wall-Spaffer Johnson is a person who agrees “150%” with a nakedly racist Donald Trump-Katie Hopkins co-tweet? No. It wouldn’t be humorous. However it’s true.

Stewart Lee’s new standup present, Snowflake/Twister, is on the Leicester Sq. theatre London from 29 October to 25 January 2020, with nationwide dates to comply with



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